How To Be A Better Listener by Asha Sciarra-Boardman

Most communication breakdowns don't occur because people are unwilling to talk—they occur because people aren't truly listening.

Too often, while someone else is speaking, we're already preparing our response, defending our position, or thinking about what we want to say next. As a result, we miss important context, make assumptions, and leave others feeling unheard.

Great communicators and effective leaders approach conversations differently. They listen to understand first and respond second.

Why Communication Breakdowns Happen

When we listen only to reply, several things occur:

• We hear words but miss meaning.
• We make assumptions instead of asking questions.
• We focus on our perspective rather than understanding someone else's.
• People feel dismissed, misunderstood, or undervalued.
• Trust begins to erode.

The reality is that most people don't need immediate solutions—they want to know they've been heard.

Practical Techniques for Better Listening

1. Be Fully Present

Put away distractions, silence notifications, and focus on the person in front of you. Being physically present is easy; being mentally present requires intention.

Ask yourself: Am I listening to learn, or waiting for my turn to speak? Am I distracted by something else?

2. Pause Before Responding

Resist the urge to jump in with advice, solutions, or counterpoints.

A brief pause allows you to process what was said and demonstrates respect for the speaker.

3. Ask Clarifying Questions

Instead of assuming you understand, get curious.

Examples:

• "Can you tell me more about that?"
• "What led you to that conclusion?"
• "How did that impact you?"
• “Would you mind to describe more?”

Questions deepen understanding and often uncover information you would have otherwise missed.

4. Reflect Back What You Heard

One of the most powerful listening tools is paraphrasing.

Try:

• "What I'm hearing is..."
• "It sounds like you're saying..."
• "If I understand correctly..."

This allows the other person to confirm or clarify their message.

5. Listen for Emotion, Not Just Facts

Facts tell part of the story. Emotions often tell the rest.

Pay attention to tone, body language, micro-expressions and what may be left unsaid.

Ask:

• "It sounds like that was frustrating."
• "You seem excited about this opportunity."

Acknowledging emotions helps people feel understood.

6. Avoid the "Me Too" Trap

When someone shares an experience, resist the urge to immediately relate it back to yourself.

Instead of:
"I know exactly how you feel."

Try:
"Tell me more about your experience."

Keep the focus on them.

How Better Listening Builds Trust

Trust grows when people feel heard, valued, and understood.

Leaders who listen effectively:

• Build stronger relationships.
• Reduce workplace conflict.
• Improve employee engagement.
• Encourage honest feedback.
• Create psychological safety.
• Make better decisions because they gather more complete information.

Employees may forget what a leader said, but they rarely forget how a leader made them feel during a conversation.

This Month's Challenge

In your next conversation, focus on understanding before responding.

Ask one additional question.
Pause before offering advice.
Reflect back what you heard.

You may be surprised how much more productive—and meaningful—the conversation becomes. Which tip do you plan to implement first?