When You’re Spiraling: How Emotional Intelligence Helps You Reset

By Asha Boardman

We’ve all been there.

A conversation goes sideways. An email hits your inbox at the wrong moment. A decision weighs heavier than expected. The feeling of regret with a decision you’ve made comes crashing on you. Suddenly your mind is racing, emotions are escalating, and the situation feels much bigger than it probably is.

That’s the moment when emotional intelligence matters most.

Spiraling doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It simply means your nervous system has shifted into protection mode. Emotional intelligence is the ability to notice that shift—and choose a better response instead of letting the spiral take over.

First: Recognize the Spiral

The first step is awareness.

A spiral often shows up as:

• Replaying the same thought repeatedly
• Jumping to worst-case conclusions
• Feeling defensive, frustrated, or overwhelmed
• Reacting faster than you’re thinking
• Playing the victim
• Misjudging others intents
  
  

Emotionally intelligent people aren’t immune to these reactions. They’re simply better at catching them early.

Sometimes the most powerful words you can say to yourself are:
“I’m spiraling right now.”

Naming it creates distance between you and the reaction.

Second: Pause the Reaction

When emotions spike, logic tends to take a back seat. That’s why the reset begins with a pause.

Step away from the email. Write what you’re feeling and why. Take a short walk. Breathe slowly for a minute. Pray and remain steady. 

This isn’t avoidance—it’s regulation.

A short pause allows your brain to move from reaction back to reasoning. Often, what felt urgent a few minutes ago becomes far more manageable once the emotional surge settles. Really try to remain neutral about the situation as much as you can until your brain catches up with your nervous system. 

Third: Challenge the Story

Spirals are often fueled by the story we tell ourselves.

We assume intent. We imagine outcomes. We fill in gaps with fear or frustration.

Emotional intelligence invites a better question:

“What else could be true?”

Maybe the message wasn’t meant negatively.
Maybe the person is under pressure.
Maybe the situation isn’t as personal as it feels.

Expanding the narrative reduces emotional intensity and creates room for perspective.

Fourth: Choose Your Response

Once you’ve reset, you regain your greatest advantage—choice.

Instead of reacting impulsively, you can decide:

• What response aligns with your values
• What outcome you actually want
• What will move the situation forward, if any is needed
  
  

Emotionally intelligent responses tend to be calmer, clearer, and more productive. They focus less on winning the moment and more on strengthening the relationship or solving the problem.

The Real Power of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence isn’t about never feeling frustrated, anxious, or overwhelmed.

It’s about recognizing those moments and resetting before they control your behavior.

The people who lead well, build strong relationships, and make sound decisions aren’t the ones who avoid emotional spirals entirely. They’re the ones who know how to pause, reflect, and respond (as needed) with intention.

And like any skill, it improves with practice.

The next time you feel the spiral starting, remember:

Pause.
Breathe.
Question the story.
Choose the response.

Sometimes the most powerful reset begins with simply noticing what’s happening inside you—and deciding that the spiral stops here.

Asha Sciarra-Boardman is a dynamic, innovative, and resourceful senior level executive with an extensive history of achievement in growing measurable value in student, customer, employee, and shareholder interests. Asha understands how to grow the bottom line without negatively impacting the business and corporate culture. Throughout her career, she has led teams and departments of all sizes through major change, while minimizing the risk to the business to ensure the organizational health of the company is strong. Asha is a passionate leader who understands and exemplifies the belief that every day, we are stronger together as a team than as individuals.

Learn more about Asha here: iGo People & Culture