Storm-Proof Your Marriage: What to Do Before, During, and After Hard Seasons

“You have to lay your foundation before a storm comes.” ~Nina Schmidgall

We recently wrapped up our marriage book club discussing “Praying Circles Around Your Marriage” by Joel and Nina Schmidgall. It’s a wealth of wisdom and practical advice for building and strengthening your marriage. I was especially struck by the chapter called, “Storm Circle”, and the stories surrounding the catastrophic effects of the earthquake that hit Haiti in 2010. As bad as the earthquake was, the subpar construction and supplies the builders used multiplied the devastation. Most of the structures were built without a proper foundation, which resulted in building after building collapsing. 

With this in mind, I was inspired to put together a guide for couples to reference in preparation for, during, and after a storm that threatens to destroy their marriage. Before we go any further, I want to say something clearly and with care. This post is about growing, aligning, and staying connected through life’s challenges, but it is not written for situations where there is abuse.

If you are experiencing any kind of abuse in your marriage, you will not hear “try harder,” “communicate better,” or “stay and endure” from us. We want you to know your safety and wellbeing matters. Please don’t walk through that alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, a counselor, a pastor, or a local support resource in your area. There is help available, and there is a path forward that prioritizes your safety and dignity.

This is for marriages where both people are willing…where there may be tension, misalignment, or hard seasons, but there is also a shared desire to grow, to repair, and to build something stronger together.

Build a Strong Foundation 

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.” Matthew 7.24-25 ESV

Spiritual Foundation

Building your spiritual foundation as a couple is based on Scripture study, prayer, gratitude, service, and fasting. These practices aren’t just individual disciplines—they become shared rhythms that align your hearts, shape your decisions, and anchor your relationship in something deeper than emotion or circumstance. 

When you study Scripture together, you’re choosing a common source of truth that guides how you communicate, lead, and love. Prayer creates space for unity, inviting God into both your struggles and your direction, while gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s already been given. Serving together moves your relationship beyond itself, building purpose and reinforcing that your marriage is meant to impact others. Fasting, though often overlooked, cultivates humility and dependence, helping you reset priorities and hear from God more clearly. 

Together, these practices build a foundation that isn’t easily shaken because it’s rooted in faith, reinforced through intentional action, and lived out side by side. 

Intentional Marriage Rhythms

Just as your spiritual foundation is built through intentional practices, your relationship is strengthened through intentional rhythms that keep you connected and aligned. We’ve found that staying on the same page doesn’t happen by accident—it’s something you build into your life. That looks like setting aside time to plan and dream together, protecting space for regular conversations about where you’re headed, and creating rhythms like date nights, weekly check-ins, and regular times of setting goals and tracking progress. We have a YouTube video that walks through the ways we stay on the same page: daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual rhythms. Check it out here: The Simple System That Keeps Us Close

It also means being present when you’re together—putting distractions down and choosing to engage fully. These rhythms don’t have to be complicated, but they do have to be consistent. Over time, they create clarity, reduce misalignment, and give your relationship the structure it needs to grow stronger in every season.

Plan for Support

Our friends Troy and Asha told us about a text group they set up with a group of friends they’re doing a marriage book club with. The idea is any of the participants at any time can text a prayer emoji without any other details and everyone in the group will pray for their marriage. This is so powerful. Many times in our storms, we might not have the energy or bandwidth to be able to put our struggles into words, and this takes that pressure away and just leaves the option to ask for the most powerful thing anyone can do for us…lift us up to the Lord in prayer. 

During the Storm

“In the midst of your trial, God is setting you up to witness a greater expression of His power and authority over even the wind and the waves.” ~Nina Schmidgall

There will come a time in every marriage where the storms of life will come, disorienting and frightening you. In the book, the authors used examples of how in times of emergency, the military places priority on activity that is life-saving and life-sustaining. We can look at rough times in our marriage the same way, and put our energy into saving our marriage until the storm is over. 

“Couples who have endured the most difficult trauma attest that in the darkest part of the storm, it was nothing more than sheer commitment that kept their marriages intact. At some point, when the storm has raged to its greatest intensity, a covenant perspective may be the last line of defense.” ~Nina Schmidgall

Ways to Prioritize Your Connection in Times of Trouble

1. Daily prayer
2. Text your group the prayer emoji.
3. Reminisce about better times
4. Dream together about the future
5. Tell each other every day you’re committed to each other, this is not going to last forever, and you’re glad to have each other. 
6. Remind each other of God’s faithfulness and times in the past when you’ve made it through hard situations.
7. Get wise counsel from friends you trust or a professional counselor. 

Download a free PDF to print and keep handy for use when you find yourself in a storm season. I call it  "Weathering the Storm" and it’s designed to help you remember and put into practice the things that will help you and your spouse walk through the storm and come out stronger on the other side.

After the Storm

When the storm begins to pass, it can be tempting to simply exhale and move on…to be grateful it’s over and slip back into normal life. But this is one of the most important moments in your marriage. What you do here determines whether the storm strengthened your foundation or simply exhausted you.

Take time to celebrate that you made it through together. There is something powerful about pausing to acknowledge, “We didn’t quit. We stayed.” That matters more than you think. You could make it as simple as a dinner together or as momentous as a dream trip. 

Then, take time to reflect and write down what you’ve learned. What did the storm reveal about your communication, your triggers, your strengths, and your faith? What did you learn about each other? Storms have a way of exposing both cracks and anchors…don’t waste that clarity. Capture it so it can guide you moving forward.

This is also a time to process, not just push forward. Whether that looks like continuing counseling or starting it for the first time, having a safe place to unpack what you’ve been through can help you heal more deeply and avoid carrying unspoken weight into your next season.

From there, rebuild intentionally. Don’t just drift back into old patterns. Re-establish the rhythms that keep you connected—daily check-ins, intentional time together, and regular conversations about where you’re headed. Alignment after the storm doesn’t happen automatically; it’s something you choose to rebuild.

And don’t forget to restore joy. After a hard season, your marriage doesn’t just need stability—it needs lightness again. Laugh together. Do something fun. Create new memories that remind you your relationship isn’t just about surviving storms, but enjoying life together.

Every storm you walk through has the potential to strengthen your foundation if you’re willing to reflect, rebuild, and recommit on the other side.