Marriage Is A Dance

We've been hosting a marriage book club discussing the book "Praying Circles Around Your Marriage" by Joel and Nina Schmidgall and there have been so many great takeaways already. A particularly powerful and practical chapter is called "The Dance Circle" and it shows us how to strengthen our marriages through the metaphor of dancing. 

If you'd like to learn more about our next book club, sign up for the waiting list on our Anchored in Love Marriage Resources page. 

Counterbalance: The Foundation of the Dance

One of the foundations of partner dancing is counterbalance.

In dance, partners create balance by leaning in and out of positions that would normally cause them to fall. One partner may shift their weight or lean away so the other can extend into movements that would be impossible alone. It requires giving and receiving, listening and responding, and adjusting to each other in real time. 

Marriage works the same way.

It’s a continual process of change, growth, adjustment, and readjustment. Each partner must pay attention to what's going on with the other so the relationship doesn’t lose its balance.

Yielding: Learning to Move Together

In Ephesians 5:21, Paul writes: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

For many couples, the word submission creates tension. Over time it has been misused, misunderstood, and even weaponized in conversations about marriage, but biblical submission isn’t about control or force. It’s the willingness to lay down your preference out of love for your spouse and reverence for God. It’s choosing partnership over personal pride.

Seasons: Shifting the Weight

Every marriage goes through different seasons, which creates the need for change in your relationship. There are times when a wife may need to yield the right of way to her husband. There are other times when a husband needs to yield the right of way to his wife. The balance shifts.

Just like dancers redistributing weight during a routine, couples must continually adjust to the changing rhythms of life: careers, parenting, stress, opportunities, and seasons of growth. It’s not always easy. It takes practice.

When both partners remain attentive to each other, something beautiful happens: the dance continues. One way to begin is through prayer.

Prayer Prompt: Ask the Lord for discernment to recognize the shifting weight in your spouse’s life. Ask for wisdom to know how to restore balance. Ask for humility to yield the right of way so you can help position your partner to flourish.

Celebrating Your Differences

Many times the ways your spouse is different from you attract you to them in the first place, and then over time, those differences start to create tension and frustration. God created each person uniquely, and part of the joy of marriage is discovering and celebrating the traits that make your spouse who they are.

When two sets of strengths come together, the impact multiplies.

Here are a few ways to navigate those differences well:

• Remain open-minded about your partner’s approach.
  When your spouse handles a problem differently than you would, resist the urge to judge immediately. Sometimes there are multiple paths to the same outcome.
• Affirm differences when communicating needs.
  For example:
  “I love how present you are with people. It’s one of your strengths. But it can be stressful when I can’t reach you. Could you keep your phone nearby in case I call?” (example from book)
• Celebrate each other’s interests.
  Rather than separating into your own worlds, step into your partner’s passions. Support what stretches them and encourages their growth.

Being For One Another

One of the most powerful things you can communicate in marriage is this: “I’m for you.”

You’re not just sharing life—you’re standing in your partner’s corner. The apostle Paul once reminded Timothy to “fan into flame the gift of God” within him. In many ways, spouses have the same opportunity with each other. You are uniquely positioned to see gifts, strengths, and potential in your spouse that others might miss.

Speak life.
Encourage growth.
Champion their calling.

Great marriages don’t just coexist—they actively lift each other higher.

Serving One Another

Jesus modeled a life of humility and service. That posture should shape the way we approach marriage. Too often people ask what a potential spouse can add to their life. A better question might be:

Am I willing to serve this person and make sacrifices for them?

Words of encouragement matter. Prayer matters. But when prayer is paired with action, when encouragement is backed by service, something powerful happens. Small acts of service build deep trust over time. When prayer and service come together, the natural becomes supernatural.

Keep Dancing

Marriage doesn’t always unfold exactly the way we expect. There will be missteps and moments where everything feels out of rhythm. Those moments don’t have to ruin the dance. Shift your weight. Lean into each other. Offer the counterbalance your partner needs. Sometimes the moments where everything goes wrong become the memories you cherish most, because in the end, marriage isn’t about performing perfectly.

It’s about learning to dance together.